Praising my Jehovah Jireh.

Recently, at a CU meeting that I went to, someone said that 'one of the really important things about our struggles is our choice to point to the glory of God through them'. It is for that reason that I'm writing this. To be honest, I've never really been a fan of admitting that I'm struggling (not really sure that anyone is a fan of this!) and, for such a long time, I've had an 'I'm fine' mentality. I find it really hard to admit when things aren't going well and the whole openness thing in general (probz a pride thing!) but I really feel that God has been challenging this in me over the last few months. So here goes...

When I got to uni, I LOVED it! I mean, me and partying to cheesy pop in Europe's worst night club (sooooo good!) go together like Ant and Dec, right?! Seriously though, I loved Freshers and the great times we had as well as getting to know the awesome people who occupy the ground floor of Monte Block C (aka halls!). A few weeks later though, it wasn't so great! I was feeling really homesick and had started to wake up feeling pointlessly anxious. I understood neither of these things - firstly, I've lived away from home before and whilst I can worry like the best of them if I let myself, I didn't get the whole anxiousness thing! Also, I started to doubt if I even liked my course and whether or not I should spend 3 years studying it. Times were not too amazing! If you were someone that I spoke to, cried over or confided in - thank you so much!! I am SO grateful for you.

Anyway...today. About a month after all of this kicked off, I am in such a different place. Sure, I don't always love my degree and yeah, sometimes I do really miss home and Cardiff! However, I have a new sense of peace about life in general and the Lord has surrounded me with a great group of Christian friends (we just put down a deposit for a house together for next year - wooo!). What's more, I've learnt so much about dependency on Him. I work in a nursery and am kinda exposed by a need for dependency - so often, I walk into a room where there are a bunch of screaming kids who realise that their parents are no longer around and are crying out for a cuddle and some reassurance! Over the last few weeks, I've had to really live in His strength and trust in His promises because, really, I just haven't been able to do it on my own. But there's no better place to be, right? He's brought me to a place where I pray more and spend more time with Him and none of this would have happened if I was still on a Fresher's high (not literally, just to clarify!). Above all, it's not really about my struggles or weaknesses but His faithfulness, His peace and His unfailing love. And for that, I'm praising my Jehovah Jireh.

Some verses that have really struck me recently are from Jeremiah - just thought I'd share!

Jeremiah 29: 7:

'Work for the peace and prosperity of the city where I sent you.... Pray to the Lord for it, for its welfare will determine your welfare.'

In other news, like I said, I work at a nursery. There are way too many cute stories but one little guy routinely follows me around with arms outstretched saying 'cuddles'... so lush :) Also, I'm SO excited to go home this weekend to celebrate 18 years of the existence of Bex!! Nearly as excited as I am for S Club 2(?!)'s upcoming club night in Southampton!! Childhood about to be relived!! :P

Anyway, thanks for reading - sooooooo grateful for you :)

Rhi xx

E.G.O or G.O.D?

I wrote this blog last night at some stupid time but decided that I wasn't going to post it, mainly because I am genuinely rubbish at doing the whole 'open and vulnerable' thing. However, some stuff was said today in training about some of what I've blogged about so I've decided that it should become public. Enjoy!

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Today has been crazy busy and it's getting pretty late (or early depending on how you see it!!)

But I feel a bit of a blog coming on...I hope you don't mind :) 

As you may know, we are fast approaching the end of our internship!! Right now, it all feels a little bit surreal  but I'm kind of becoming used to the fact that the next few weeks are going to be a bit emotional because, let's be real, it's hard to say goodbye to people who have invested in you and loved you so deeply as the people at Glenwood have. As someone said to me today though, 'new seasons, Rhi, new seasons'.

But here's the thing...there are days when I just don't want to go to uni. Today has been one of those days. Weirdly, uni has never really excited me. Now, before you argue that three years of exams, assignments and hard work never excites anyone, let me explain. So many of the people I went to school with couldn't wait for uni and all that it had to offer but I've always been pretty unexcited about it all. Now don't get me wrong, I'm really looking forward to meeting new people, getting plugged in to a local church, making new friends/ hanging out and even the odd bit of partying (coz let's face it, I love a good party!!). Sometimes, however, the prospect of another three years in education doesn't seem like a load of fun and games.

What's more, if I'm totally honest, I'm a little bit scared about going to uni. Part of me wonders if I'll really be able to live out the stuff that I've learnt this year. The year before this one wasn't all that great - what if my life reverts back to that place again? What if I fail to sustain the closeness that I've had with God at different points over the last year? What if?

Earlier, I came to realise that there is a problem with these thoughts. A one - letter problem. I. So often, we as humans love to think that our lives are dependant on us. I am probably the biggest culprit of this. We toss and turn and keep naively thinking that we need to sustain ourselves and our relationship with God. Well, at least I do. Today, I was reminded though that only God is our strength and it is Him that is in control. I love the fact that in Isaiah 40, it states that youth WILL get tired but that God will make those who trust Him soar on wings like eagles. When I hit a dry patch or face something difficult, it's hard but I love the fact that it isn't a surprise to God, that He can pick us back up and cause us to rise again if we trust Him. The thing is, by relying on my own efforts and abilities, I'm playing into the hands of something that I really want to avoid at all costs; ego. It's  a constant challenge to trust God with your future but I guess today, I was reminded that you either trust your ego or God and the question always is 'which is it to be?'. 

Today, this is my prayer:

Be the fire in my heart

Be the wind in these sails

Be the reason that I live

Jesus, Jesus. 

Thanks for reading - love all round!!

Rhi xx

Welsh summer and other news

I feel like I really need to blog. Not for any particular reason but I guess I haven't posted in a while and so much has happened recently. For one, a rare thing has occured in the UK in the past week...it's been properly sunny! Being outside over the last few days has been so lush and I'm so grateful that we've experienced this weather, not just to show Jords and Aspyn that the sun does actually exist in the UK(!), but because I love seeing everyone outside chilling and having a laugh together plus it's been a perfect time to get a tan (allbeit that mine at the moment is more fake than real...God bless Home Bargains!).

Recently, the interns, plus the Glenwood youth, were involved in the Ignite Hope weekend; an event which is all about social action and expressing God's love to the local community. It was the responsibility of the interns to plan all of the social action projects that were to take place in Llanedeyrn (where Glenwood is based) and we organised projects such as a car wash, a mass baking extravaganza and a Funday for everybody to attend. I was totally blown away at how many people actually turned out for the Funday - 400 in total - and that afternoon was so great, as it united the community and it seemed that people from Llanedeyrn were genuinely comfortable with being in the church. Winner! What's more, I loved getting to spend more time with the youth and to see them grow in confidence when chatting with members of the community of Llanedeyrn. Favourite story of the weekend --> several of the youth had been prayer walking (you guessed it...walking and praying) around the estate and had been asked to pray for a guy to win the lottery. They saw him the next day and he had won £3.50! I love how God cares about these seemingly little things in our lives and I am so super proud of both the other interns and the young people who served so amazingly. Fancy washing the badger anyone...? :P

Something that has blessed me way beyond what I ever expected recently has been mentoring. For a couple of months now, I have been mentoring one of the girls in the older youth and when it was first mentioned, I was so excited as this is something that I have wanted to do for such a long time. We've met a few times now and initially, I was really over - protective of it, wrongly feeling that what got discussed in these meetings was all down to me and that I had to be a 'super - mentor' and ensure that it was really great and fruitful for both of us. In true Rhi - style, I over -analysed and was concerned that it just wasn't clicking between us. However, the last few times that we've met, I have seriously had to resist the urge to have a massive worship rave at the bus stop whist waiting to go home. The last few meetings have just felt so much more natural and open between us and I know that this was since I made the decision to more intentionally pray about our meetings together and let God do the rest. The other day, I totally got reminded about how powerful testimonies are when we were both sharing our stories with each other. After I had finished talking, my mentee was like 'You know what you were just saying about that...I feel the same way now'. This was so great and I am so in love with the way that God uses us, even when we feel so inadequate, and I've been really challenged recently to not be overly analytical about stuff that I'm involved in because, at the end of the day, if God's been involved in it and it's in His hands, who am I to say that it went badly? If you've got a spare prayer going, I'd really appreciate it if you could pray that I'll have wisdom in the mentoring that I'm doing now and also maybe doing in the future and that I'll continue to trust God with it. Cheers :)

Without a doubt, the thing that we're all thinking about in the house at the moment is our plans for next year  and I am so excited for all the stuff that my housemates are talking about and planning, arguably more so than for my own plans! There are days when I'm really aware that I haven't got long left in Cardiff and that kind of saddens me, because I've had a great year here and I absolutely love the kids and young people that I've been priviledged to work with, not to mention the other interns. At other times, however, I strongly feel that it is so right for me to move to Southampton next year and I know that it is going to be so much fun!! For one, if I had applied this year for the course that I will be doing, I wouldn't have been accepted because they have put the entry grades up and I really feel that I'm on this course for a reason. It's kinda funny that I'm actually not qualified to go to Southampton, especially as one of the main aims of Sixth Form is to get the right grades for uni but I know that God is bigger than UCAS and I'm more than okay with that and am so excited for what next year holds.

I've seriously loved this weekend so much :) It's been spent soaking up sun and being with people which is always great. Also, on Wednesday, I'm seeing Mumford and Sons, possibly one of the greatest bands ever! I'm so excited and so grateful to Lucy for giving me her ticket when I didn't get one...it's going to be so sweeeeeeeet :D

Thanks to everybody who is supporting me and praying for me - it means so much :)

Rhi xx

Lead me to the truth

This last weekend was seriously amazing!


The interns, plus the Glenwood youth, were involved in the Ignite Hope weekend; an event which is all about social action and expressing God's love to the local community. It was the responsibility of the interns to plan all of the social action projects that were to take place in Llanedeyrn (where Glenwood is based) and we organised projects such as a car wash, a mass baking extravaganza and a Funday for everybody to attend. I was totally blown away at how many people actually turned out for the Funday - 400 in total - and that afternoon was so great, as it united the community and it seemed that people from Llanedeyrn were genuinely comfortable with being in the church. Winner! What's more, I loved getting to spend more time with the youth and to see them grow in confidence when chatting with members of the community of Llanedeyrn. Favourite story of the weekend --> several of the youth had been prayer walking (you guessed it...walking and praying) around the estate and had prayed for a guy to win the lottery. They saw him the next day and he had won £3.50! I love how God cares about these seemingly little things in our lives and I am so super proud of both the other interns and the young people who served so amazingly. Fancy washing the badger anyone...? :P

Recently, as part of our Leadership Academy, we had a session on our identity in Christ. Now, what was totally ironic about this was the fact that, over the last few weeks, I've really been struggling with this. For a long time, I have periodically felt really rubbish about myself and I am so aware that when I stress or freak out, the first thing I do is become self critical and overly sensitive. In the first two terms of my internship here in Cardiff, I rarely felt like this which was great and I totally thought that this was something that I'd grown out of. Then I came back after Easter. In the last few weeks, there have been times where I've felt really low and down about myself and my abilities. It's kinda sucked if I'm honest.

However, I'm learning something massive at the moment. So often we rely on our feelings and use them to dictate who we are and our identity but I have been totally challenged to make a sometimes difficult choice and to believe what God says about me. Memorising the Bible has never been the most appealing thing in the world to me  but I guess that I'm now realising how important it is to know truths about yourself when you're feeling rubbish - because let's face it, we need to decide to believe God and to trust Him with our self worth if we are to truly follow Him. My favourite at the moment in Isaiah 43 4 which says 'Others were given in exchange for you. I traded their lives for your life because you are precious to me. You are honoured and I love you.' I've decided to keep learning Scripture because you can't beat what God has to say about you!

In other news, I'm seeing MUMFORD AND SONS(!) at the end of this month!! Massive thanks to Lucy who gave me her ticket after I couldn't get some for me and a friend - blessed me so much and cheered me up totally last weekend! Loves <3

Thanks for reading this and also to everyone that supports me and prays for me - much appreciated! Love to y'all ;) xx

The only word that counts

Lent is always a strange time of year.

People left, right and centre are giving something up, hoping that they can see it through for the seemingly never - ending five or so weeks. Though I'm proud of myself for the week that I've survived without Facebook (!), I can't help thinking that my sacrifices are totally insignificant compared to Jesus' sacrifice for all of us. What's made me think recently is the ways that He limited Himself so much so that we would understand more of God and His kingdom. The craziness is that God still values our small, trivial sacrifices and I am so excited to celebrate (and this will sound cliched and kinda cheesy) the greatest ever love story over the next few weeks.

Over the last few months, there has been only one word that has grabbed my attention and challenged me to the core. Everything. In the first few weeks of our current module, this word disturbed me and shook me up because, deep down, I have known for ages that God hasn't had everything. My life as a Christian has always been so up and down- there have been times where everything is good and I'm spending time with God and trusting Him and there have been times where I just can't bring myself to spend time with God and have chosen to go my own way. This has happened for ages and for so long, I've known that this isn't what it means to live as a Christian. But how do I change?

Whilst everything can sometimes be one of the hardest words to think about in terms of relationship with God, sometimes, it's also the most freeing. When every part of your life belongs to Him, you can give Him the things you struggle with most and know that He is in control and that you have a choice to acknowledge that truth and surrender stuff to Him. What's more, you can give Him your future, knowing that He has perfect plans for your life. Harder, however, is realising that giving Him everything means re -thinking some of the stuff that's in your life and even letting go of it and choosing a new way. These are things that I'm thinking about and wrestling with at the moment - I'm nowhere near everything but I know this is a journey I'm on and I reckon it's gonna take a while.

The last few days have been difficult in terms of time with God. There's something in me that knows that I need to spend time with Him but I just can't be still or bring myself into that place to meet with God. To be honest, I'm feeling kind of numb and it's been times like these where I get lukewarm about faith and often get frustrated and go off on my own. This time, though I'm feeling so different. Sure, I don't understand this but I guess that's where everything comes in right? I'm choosing to give it to Him and trust that He gets it and will continue doing good work in me despite how I feel. (Phillipians 1:6)

Much love always,

Rhi xx

P.S. - American word of the post (because you totes need to be exposed to the awesome vocabulary used by Jords and Aspyn)

Presh - short for precious!
            Example: Jordyn and Lucy are really presh
            Love it!

...

Hello world (although that's perhaps slightly ambitious!) for the second time!!

Well, tonight is my last night of being 18...cry! This last year has been so great - what with Berlin, Soul Survivor/Hill House, starting the internship with several awesome people and general partying (coz let's face it...I do love a party!). Sure, there have been some tough times  too but I guess that's the same for everyone and I'm so grateful that I survived (!) and that I was blessed in so many ways :) If you are reading this blog, it's very likely (in fact, probably certain) that you have been one of the blessings of being 18 - you're awesome and thank you :)

For me, the most amazing, challenging and life- changing moments of being 18 occured last summer. Being the organised, clerical type that I am (according to Mr Birkman!), by this time last year I'd planned to serve at two camps over the summer break - Hill House and Soul Survivor. What I hadn't anticipated was that I would be going to Soul Survivor alone, due to unforseen circumstances. The night I realised that I would this, I just remember totally freaking out!! Due to my total stubborness to not give up on things,however, I decided that I'd still be going though, in all honesty, I was pretty scared! Although, some parts of those five days were really hard, it's an experience I wouldn't swap for anything. For one, you end up going to loads of seminars and stuff when you're on your own and I learnt so much about God that I totally would have missed out on if I'd been surrounded by mates! The best though was God teaching me about His grace. There's something pretty scary about having to approach young people and start up a  conversation (this isn't just what I like to do randomly for fun, this was what I was expected to do as part of my work on the Fringe team to engage with young people on the outskirts if the main event!) and I  had to trust Him with things that I just couldn't handle on my own. Something of His passionate love for me became so alive in those five days and brought me to such a new place with Him and without that, I honestly don't think I'd be ready for the stuff that I'm currently being challenged by - the need to 'live a life worthy of the calling that I have recieved' (Ephesians 4:1). Lush times!

In more current internship - related news, life seems crazily busy but so exciting! I love the ministries that I get to be involved in and the new club that has recently started for junior age kids (Glub)has gotten off to a great start with loads of gunging and custard pies! Can't go wrong really :P What's more, we now have an intern family which seems to be getting more messed up by the day...I'm currently the gangster granny with numerous weird and wondeful children and grandchildren. Jeremy Kyle, here we come! Seriously though, I love spending time with the other interns and growing together - I just know the next six months are going to be so great :)

Thanks for all your prayers and support!

Much love

Rhi xx

PS - Did I mention it's my birthday...presents gratefully recieved :P

PPS - Please pray for Chloe, our awesome friend who has recently jetted off on some serious gap year travels! She's beautiful in so many ways - please pray that she has a safe and amazing trip! Ta :D

Lukewarm is not an option and other lessons I'm learning

Hello!

Whilst I don't really consider myself a blogger, we are only a couple of sessions into the new module (Spiritual Formation) and I feel like God is already doing so much in me - I have to have somewhere to record all of this stuff that's going on! Hope you don't mind too much! :P

So, we had our first training session for this new module (which looks at who the Jesus of the Gospels really is and what it means to live a missional life within a missional church)  a few weeks ago. All was good and I was really excited! Last week, I turned up at training and for most of the session, I just felt really uncomfortable and totally didn't want to be there. What was going on?! That afternoon, I went to Coffee 1 and just prayed. It was then that I was reminded of a picture that my beautiful mentor, Cathy had had the night before at small group. She had seen a picture of the front carriage of a rollercoaster. Now everyone knows that once you're on a moving rollercoaster, you can't get off - right? Cathy said that she had felt that we should all be reminded/ prepared to just let go of the bars (as it were) and trust God. At this point, I knew that there was no way that I could get myself out of this module and that I couldn't explain what was going on within me as a part of the teaching we were recieving. So I decided to just accept how I had felt about training and to leave it with Him. That was the end of it...or so I thought!

I'd like to say that I have had a sudden revelation as to why I felt so uncomfortable last Thursday. Sadly, that just isn't the case. However, the last few days have proved to provide some definite food for thought. For example, if I'm honest, I've always thought that the Western Church is largely pretty comfortable but maybe this somewhat arrogantly misses out the suggestion that, in fact, I am comfortable?

My journey with God has always been one which has been a bit up and down. For example, I have had a bit of a tendency to go through periods of being really on fire for God then kind of take a dip, at these times neglecting to pray and read the Bible. Is it any wonder that I don't grow at these times? I feel like this is maybe why I felt uncomfortable the other day...because deep down, I'm not consistent with God and I'm not pursuing Him with everything and in everything, as I ought to be.

 The other day, I was reading the Bible and praying when I had a sudden urge to grab my copy of Francis Chan's Crazy Love. My housemate, Nate - who has a bit of a bromance going on with Chan - would be so proud!! I turned to the chapter which is called Profile of the Lukewarm which essentially challenges comfort masked as Christ -likeness. To be honest, I read this thinking 'I'm not this bad'!! But it says in James 2:10 that if you 'obey the whole law but fail in one point, you become guilty of all of it'. Point taken, I think! One of my favourite quotes from The Shack (W.M Young - read it!) refers to two of the main characters - Nan and Mack. The quote is 'Mack's faith was wide but Nan's was deep'. It is my prayer for 2012 that I begin to go deeper with God and give Him everything as I've realised recently that lukewarm is not an option - you either give Him everything or nothing at all. No pressure then! So glad that He has grace for me and is 'merciful and will not abandon me' (Deuteronomy 4:31)

In other Cardiff - related news, I am gradually being drawn into the craze that is Sherlock by my mildly addicted housemate, Deb - looking forward to a series 1 catch - up this coming weekend! Welcoming Tom (the new intern) has been great these past few weeks and I'm glad to have finally found someone who can share my German nerdiness!! Finally, I have recently been nicknamed 'Rhi the stalker' - but that's another story!

Woop - I actually just wrote a full length blogpost and totally meant to say so much more than I actually did. It wasn't even nearly as painful as I thought it could be (although you may beg to differ :P) - perhaps this may just become a new habit of mine!

Much love from Cardiff!!

Rhi xx