E.G.O or G.O.D?

I wrote this blog last night at some stupid time but decided that I wasn't going to post it, mainly because I am genuinely rubbish at doing the whole 'open and vulnerable' thing. However, some stuff was said today in training about some of what I've blogged about so I've decided that it should become public. Enjoy!

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Today has been crazy busy and it's getting pretty late (or early depending on how you see it!!)

But I feel a bit of a blog coming on...I hope you don't mind :) 

As you may know, we are fast approaching the end of our internship!! Right now, it all feels a little bit surreal  but I'm kind of becoming used to the fact that the next few weeks are going to be a bit emotional because, let's be real, it's hard to say goodbye to people who have invested in you and loved you so deeply as the people at Glenwood have. As someone said to me today though, 'new seasons, Rhi, new seasons'.

But here's the thing...there are days when I just don't want to go to uni. Today has been one of those days. Weirdly, uni has never really excited me. Now, before you argue that three years of exams, assignments and hard work never excites anyone, let me explain. So many of the people I went to school with couldn't wait for uni and all that it had to offer but I've always been pretty unexcited about it all. Now don't get me wrong, I'm really looking forward to meeting new people, getting plugged in to a local church, making new friends/ hanging out and even the odd bit of partying (coz let's face it, I love a good party!!). Sometimes, however, the prospect of another three years in education doesn't seem like a load of fun and games.

What's more, if I'm totally honest, I'm a little bit scared about going to uni. Part of me wonders if I'll really be able to live out the stuff that I've learnt this year. The year before this one wasn't all that great - what if my life reverts back to that place again? What if I fail to sustain the closeness that I've had with God at different points over the last year? What if?

Earlier, I came to realise that there is a problem with these thoughts. A one - letter problem. I. So often, we as humans love to think that our lives are dependant on us. I am probably the biggest culprit of this. We toss and turn and keep naively thinking that we need to sustain ourselves and our relationship with God. Well, at least I do. Today, I was reminded though that only God is our strength and it is Him that is in control. I love the fact that in Isaiah 40, it states that youth WILL get tired but that God will make those who trust Him soar on wings like eagles. When I hit a dry patch or face something difficult, it's hard but I love the fact that it isn't a surprise to God, that He can pick us back up and cause us to rise again if we trust Him. The thing is, by relying on my own efforts and abilities, I'm playing into the hands of something that I really want to avoid at all costs; ego. It's  a constant challenge to trust God with your future but I guess today, I was reminded that you either trust your ego or God and the question always is 'which is it to be?'. 

Today, this is my prayer:

Be the fire in my heart

Be the wind in these sails

Be the reason that I live

Jesus, Jesus. 

Thanks for reading - love all round!!

Rhi xx