Hello!
Whilst I don't really consider myself a blogger, we are only a couple of sessions into the new module (Spiritual Formation) and I feel like God is already doing so much in me - I have to have somewhere to record all of this stuff that's going on! Hope you don't mind too much! :P
So, we had our first training session for this new module (which looks at who the Jesus of the Gospels really is and what it means to live a missional life within a missional church) a few weeks ago. All was good and I was really excited! Last week, I turned up at training and for most of the session, I just felt really uncomfortable and totally didn't want to be there. What was going on?! That afternoon, I went to Coffee 1 and just prayed. It was then that I was reminded of a picture that my beautiful mentor, Cathy had had the night before at small group. She had seen a picture of the front carriage of a rollercoaster. Now everyone knows that once you're on a moving rollercoaster, you can't get off - right? Cathy said that she had felt that we should all be reminded/ prepared to just let go of the bars (as it were) and trust God. At this point, I knew that there was no way that I could get myself out of this module and that I couldn't explain what was going on within me as a part of the teaching we were recieving. So I decided to just accept how I had felt about training and to leave it with Him. That was the end of it...or so I thought!
I'd like to say that I have had a sudden revelation as to why I felt so uncomfortable last Thursday. Sadly, that just isn't the case. However, the last few days have proved to provide some definite food for thought. For example, if I'm honest, I've always thought that the Western Church is largely pretty comfortable but maybe this somewhat arrogantly misses out the suggestion that, in fact, I am comfortable?
My journey with God has always been one which has been a bit up and down. For example, I have had a bit of a tendency to go through periods of being really on fire for God then kind of take a dip, at these times neglecting to pray and read the Bible. Is it any wonder that I don't grow at these times? I feel like this is maybe why I felt uncomfortable the other day...because deep down, I'm not consistent with God and I'm not pursuing Him with everything and in everything, as I ought to be.
The other day, I was reading the Bible and praying when I had a sudden urge to grab my copy of Francis Chan's Crazy Love. My housemate, Nate - who has a bit of a bromance going on with Chan - would be so proud!! I turned to the chapter which is called Profile of the Lukewarm which essentially challenges comfort masked as Christ -likeness. To be honest, I read this thinking 'I'm not this bad'!! But it says in James 2:10 that if you 'obey the whole law but fail in one point, you become guilty of all of it'. Point taken, I think! One of my favourite quotes from The Shack (W.M Young - read it!) refers to two of the main characters - Nan and Mack. The quote is 'Mack's faith was wide but Nan's was deep'. It is my prayer for 2012 that I begin to go deeper with God and give Him everything as I've realised recently that lukewarm is not an option - you either give Him everything or nothing at all. No pressure then! So glad that He has grace for me and is 'merciful and will not abandon me' (Deuteronomy 4:31)
In other Cardiff - related news, I am gradually being drawn into the craze that is Sherlock by my mildly addicted housemate, Deb - looking forward to a series 1 catch - up this coming weekend! Welcoming Tom (the new intern) has been great these past few weeks and I'm glad to have finally found someone who can share my German nerdiness!! Finally, I have recently been nicknamed 'Rhi the stalker' - but that's another story!
Woop - I actually just wrote a full length blogpost and totally meant to say so much more than I actually did. It wasn't even nearly as painful as I thought it could be (although you may beg to differ :P) - perhaps this may just become a new habit of mine!
Much love from Cardiff!!
Rhi xx
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