Learning to do a day at a time.

Recently, God has been teaching me a massive lesson about trust. As someone who loves plans and gets way too excited about Google Calendar, I find it really hard that I don't know what I'll be doing long-term after I finish uni next week (yeah, I know, weird!). Lots of things feel like they're changing at the moment. Many of them are massively exciting yet lots of what's happening involves stepping into the unknown. Last week at church, we were looking at the Armour of God and for me, it was a good reminder to continually be putting on the shield of faith and to trust God when I don't know what's happening.

Several verses have struck me on this subject recently. In the Lord's Prayer, Jesus teaches us to ask for our daily bread. Not our weekly stock up or supplies for a month. What we need for today. This struck me last week as I taught it to our young people - He invites us to come to Him DAILY for what we need and we can trust Him to provide. Across the Bible, there are countless examples of ways in which God provides for people and strengthens them to do what He calls them to do, right there, in the moment. What's more, God tells us not to worry about tomorrow, something which is often easier said than done.

One of the best things about learning to live a day at a time is the challenge to rejoice and enjoy every single day. When I'm not worrying about the future, I get to notice and appreciate the massive blessings that I have received today. Time with friends, chilling at church and even doing mundane things suddenly become so much better and I get to be fully present and fully enjoy all that God has for me each day, knowing that He will provide all that I need to face whatever does or doesn't come up.

I'm writing this mainly to remind myself of the truth that God has been teaching me recently so apologies if it's a bit random. Praying that you too will keep trusting in the God who has far better plans than we can even imagine :)

Project Rhi?

So, predictably, I've been doing a lot of Sociology reading this week. That's not a complaint or anything. I kind of feel that if there's one time you should be doing a lot of reading, it's third year, second semester. Forgive me, though, I'm going to share a bit of sociological goodness with you. My housemate and I were talking this morning about how everyone always pulls the same confused face when you utter the fact you're studying Sociology. If you're utterly confused by what the heck Sociology is, number one, sometimes I wonder this myself and number two, this is for you. Plus it'll help me explain what I've been thinking about over the last couple of weeks. Enjoy/bear with...

There's this argument in Sociology that loads of the big ways in which we define ourselves are declining. Like religion, politics, class identities etc. Instead, such writers think that, nowadays, we're all in a constant process of choosing who we are/defining ourselves. This is seen as the individual project of the self. Let's take the example of jobs (apologies if you're in third year and would rather poke yourself in the eye than think about life post uni...). Back in the day, if your Dad was an engineer, you'd be an engineer after school. Simple as. Nowadays, we get so much choice and we don't have to follow our parents. I for one am really glad about that. My Dad is a scientist and as much as I respect him and love his enthusiasm for what he does, we both know that that was never going to be my calling in life, Like ever. Anyway, few people would argue that expanded choice is a bad thing but some people would say that it is making us more anxious, more uncertain and more conscious of making the right decisions. These guys are called postmodernists and whilst their theory's not perfect, I kind of agree that this happens to some extent now.

Why am I telling you this?

Because, I think it holds some truth. And it's made me think more about identity. Recently, I've been feeling a bit uncertain about a load of stuff. I don't know if that's a third year thing but I've started thinking about jobs, dissertations etc and decisions I'm currently making seem a bit too filled with self doubt for my liking. Sure, my head knows exactly who is in charge (God!) but my heart/emotions are often playing catch up. Recently, I've been trying to silence the self doubt with stuff that's true. I can do this, because, contrary to the debatable belief of society that I should be constructing who I am, this isn't my job. The Bible says that:

Despite the fact that I mess up far more than I even imagine, I am loved, accepted and redeemed because of Jesus. That means that I don't have to keep trying to be good enough, make the right decisions or be 100% on top of everything all the time. I am fully loved, fully accepted - right here, right now - because of faith and grace, not what I do. 

He has plan for my life. Not bog standard, mediocre plans. Like really good ones. Plans that are way better than anything I could ever dream up. Even on my best day.

I don't have to navigate life being anxious, uncertain and self doubting. I can leave my worries with Him, knowing that He cares and is more than big enough to deal with them. What's more, I can ask Him for wisdom and guidance, knowing that He hears and responds.

When I think like that, it makes me feel a whole lot better.

Rhi x 

Getting on with it.

This morning, I read this thing from Joyce Meyer which said that moaning is actually sinful and that we just need to stop. 

I was all like 'Woah, Joyce. What are you saying? Haven't you heard about all this work I need to get done? Haven't you heard about this situation or that one that's currently in my life? I feel I'm entitled to at least a mini moan'.

And then I realised I was totally wrong. 

Sometimes it's really easy to think that we're allowed to complain. We make loads of excuses that basically just try to get us off the hook. Exhibit A...I'm writing a dissertation and I've just got so much to do. Well, actually, so are loads of other people. Plus, as cringe as it sounds, I (we?) need to value the education that we are fortunate enough to get. I just read the story of Malala who got shot in the face by the Taliban for daring to speak up for girls' education. Imagine if they heard me moaning about all the studying I have to do? I'm betting I'd be pretty embarrassed in any post moan conversations with those girls.

Most importantly, Jesus gives us a better option. There's this little word that springs up across the Bible...rejoice. That's not a fluffy feeling that you get to access when you're in the mood, it's a choice. Also, it's not a good suggestion that you could follow up if your friends get fed up of your constant moaning. If you love Jesus, it's actually a command. 

A classic verse on this is Psalm 118:24 - 'This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it'. Whatever's going on in our lives, we have a massive reason to rejoice and choose thankfulness - because every day is a gift from God and not something that we should take for granted. What's more, there are other amazing reasons to choose celebration over complaining - God is with us in whatever situation we're facing and, better yet, He dealt with the biggest problem we'll ever face through the cross. 

If you're reading this I give you total permission to interrupt my moaning...let's encourage each other to push past complaining and live in a better way.

Rhi x 

Embarking on an adventure right where you are.

DISCLAIMER - this blogpost is going to be based on something else I've read recently...in no way is this an original Ashford. (I feel the need to insert a reference...gosh uni, what have you done to me?)

For a while, I had ambitions to live in loads of different UK cities. Why the UK, I hear you ask. Why not somewhere that at least sees the sun every once in a while. Because actually, I quite like our strange, quirky little country despite rain, endless queues and the monstrosity that is Antiques Roadshow (sorry Mum.) Anyway. Ever since I moved to Cardiff nearly four years ago, I realised that I love cities. I love the busyness, the randomness and also kind of the anonymity of living in a city. And I wanted to experience as many of them as possible. If I'm really honest, I also didn't want to commit to just one place. What if I get bored? What if something goes wrong? What if people see me for who I really am? (well, that last one was deep!)

Last summer, I decided that I wasn't going to busy myself making loads of plans for the year after I graduate. I was going to wait. And I was going to go where God called me. Scary. I even told Him that, if I really had to, I'd stay in Southampton. Before you think I'm writing off such a major part of the south coast, Southampton has grown on me over my three years here (especially in the last six months) but it's been a bit up and down and I've just always ruled out settling here after uni. Despite my chat about lots of different cities, I would have likely emigrated back to the wonderful Welsh nation because I am unashamedly a bit obsessed. Rugby, sheep, welsh cakes, Gavin and Stacey, you name it.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, some stuff happened and I am deciding, God - willing, to stay in Southampton. I know - it shocked me too.

One of the things that I've been learning whilst making decisions is that we so often seek something we perceive to be so much better, so much flashier and so much more shiny than what we have now. If you just look around you, that's entrenched in our culture. Buy this. Wear that. Go there. Then you'll be sorted.

But it's so wrong. Because it makes you undervalue what you already have. When I started to look at what was around me in Southampton, I realised that I'm part of an amazing church, involved in a youth work that I care a lot about and surrounded by some brilliant people, both connected to church and not so much. Also, after being on placement last semester, I realised that I have some awesome opportunities in this city to do the pastorally (is that even a word?) school stuff that I love and maybe even get paid for the privilege. The other day, I watched a programme about excluded students and constantly fluctuated between a state of 'why would I ever want to do this?' to 'how can I not do this?'.  I know it's going to be a challenge but I'm convinced that, whatever happens job wise, it's going to be okay. Even better, when you are following Jesus, you're on a constant adventure that's all about knowing Him better and making Him known. That last part sounded way cringier than I intended but it's the truth.

So if (and I know that's a big if) you want to take anything away from what I've learnt recently, it's that seeking something new isn't always the way forward. Sometimes, it's more important to take stock, look around, appreciate, invest in what you're already a part of and just keep going.

Rhi x

Playing the waiting game.

So I haven't blogged in a while - partly because I don't want to post randomly when I feel I haven't got much to say and partly because blogging sometimes scares me because I feel super exposed. Sorry!

Anyway, over the summer, I started to contemplate the very real fact that, in a year's time (less now!), I would no longer be a student. This kind of filled me with excitement (I'm so over writing essays!) and apprehension (that means I need to make some life decisions!). One thing I felt really challenged to do, however, was to spend some proper time with God before making any firm plans or decisions. If you know me at all, you'll know I like lists, knowing what's going on and generally being in control. I have friends though who are amazing at trusting God for the future and waiting on Him and I felt that I should give this a go and attempt to lean into God's plan for my life rather than busily going about creating my own which would be pants in comparison!

So.

This term, I've been trying to set aside some time every week to pray and wait on God. Before you think I'm super holy, you should know that much of this 'waiting' often ends up in contemplating what I'm having for dinner or who went out of last week's X Factor! But I'm giving it a go! I'm reading a book called 'A Beautiful Mess' by Danielle Strickland as a part of this. A bit like the person herself (whom I love), this book is a crazy mix of humour and godliness all in one! What this book is teaching me, though, is that we need to learn to be okay with the chaos e.g. the not knowing and embrace it, trusting that God makes beautiful things out of chaos (hint: creation) and that we can trust Him. Also, I definitely viewed this time wrongly as being a time where I'd get a clear answer from God about the future. What I'm actually learning is that it's not about going to God for answers like some cosmic Google search but actually it's about the waiting on God and the way that this dependence changes our relationship with Him that's the gamechanger and, after all, what we're really made for.

To be continued...

Shifting the Saviour complex.

In our family, a favourite before meal time grace is the Superman grace. This involves singing the Superman tune as well as a nice little ditty about our thankfulness for food. Standing on chairs and Superman poses are optional. Grandma, in particular, is a seasoned pro at this form of thanksgiving. The Ashfords are just cool like that ;)

Why am I writing this and why does it matter?

Because this year, I’ve learnt a huge lesson. In our wonderful, hilarious, colourful, broken and hurting world, there are often so many issues, complexities, problems. You don’t have to look very far to come across someone you know and love struggling in some way at some point with something. Bit depressing but this kind of has been my experience this year and I see it amongst my friends and others I know.

I began this year wanting to solve the problems of other people. Without wanting to sound big headed or super spiritual, I’m quite a pastoral person and that’s just how I roll. Maybe I was hoping for some magic formula, some jackpot idea or for certain situations just to miraculously and immediately turn around. Just maybe I wanted to see myself as some relational superhero who, with all the good intentions in the world, sorted out a few issues and generally made the world a better place (cue Incredibles theme tune.) I wonder how many of us can identify with this? I know I do.

I’m ending this year remembering that there is a Saviour and it is not me. So often, I feel as if I need to have all the answers and all of the solutions. But the beauty is, I don’t. In fact, it’s pretty arrogant to assume that I may even come close. I guess that links in to where our identity comes from – I just finished Graham Beynon’s book, Mirror Mirror, on this and it may have just blown my brain and heart to bits (in a good way!). Read it! What I’ve learnt and what I’m learning to love is that my role is simply to point others towards the one true Saviour – my incredible Jesus – who took care of our biggest need and deepest problem – our sins that separate us from God. Surely He is big enough to take care of any other issues, problems and concerns that we face?
  

As Psalm 27 so brilliantly says,

‘Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord’.

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In a very weird way, I’m so grateful for what this year has been and am looking forward to the one to come!

Have a beautiful summer!

And here it begins...

So it would seem that my blog posts come like buses...not for ages and then all at once. I am technically supposed to be revising but my brain is buzzing with an idea for a post, inspired by a conversation with a housemate, and I just have to whack it out. You just got an insight into how my brain works. You're welcome.

Recently, I've started to think a bit about this time next year and the fact that I'll be entering the big wide world. I have no immediate plans to continue studying so will most likely be looking to get a job or get involved in a scheme. Crazy, exciting stuff.

Earlier, in the midst of a mind saturated revision state, I casually exclaimed how little I enjoy meetings.

DISCLAIMER - If I've ever been in a meeting with you, the chances are that it was great! I get that,
                            sometimes, they are really important and really useful. I have been in meetings like
                            this!

I guess, perhaps like you, I've also just been in meetings that are dull, boring, way too long and way too time - wasting. Also, whilst being able to vaguely organise myself to some extent, I'm not really a details girl. The minute details of organisation don't really interest me and I'm not very good at them! That's not to say that I'm not grateful for all of those great people who love detail and are great at working all of this stuff out - where would people like me be without you?!

On reflection, what I said was probably a bit immature as my housemate wisely pointed out that almost every job is likely to contain some form of meeting. True dat. I'm not completely adverse by any means and do know that I can't go get a job in a happy, meeting - less world. However, through thinking these things through, I have realised that I want to be in a people focused job, on the frontline, dealing with people and their problems and issues and not just talking about them. I know that meetings are often going to be helpful in this but, on the flip side, I don't want to have a job predominantly behind a desk at a computer or where I spend the majority of my time in meetings but I want to have a job that engages with people face to face, building relationships with them and helping to support them.

This job stuff really excites me but if you could pray anything for me right now, it would be that I'd not let it consume my thoughts and that I'd remember that there is One who is definitely a better planner than me and has got it covered (Jeremiah 29:11)

x