So I haven't blogged in a while - partly because I don't want to post randomly when I feel I haven't got much to say and partly because blogging sometimes scares me because I feel super exposed. Sorry!
Anyway, over the summer, I started to contemplate the very real fact that, in a year's time (less now!), I would no longer be a student. This kind of filled me with excitement (I'm so over writing essays!) and apprehension (that means I need to make some life decisions!). One thing I felt really challenged to do, however, was to spend some proper time with God before making any firm plans or decisions. If you know me at all, you'll know I like lists, knowing what's going on and generally being in control. I have friends though who are amazing at trusting God for the future and waiting on Him and I felt that I should give this a go and attempt to lean into God's plan for my life rather than busily going about creating my own which would be pants in comparison!
So.
This term, I've been trying to set aside some time every week to pray and wait on God. Before you think I'm super holy, you should know that much of this 'waiting' often ends up in contemplating what I'm having for dinner or who went out of last week's X Factor! But I'm giving it a go! I'm reading a book called 'A Beautiful Mess' by Danielle Strickland as a part of this. A bit like the person herself (whom I love), this book is a crazy mix of humour and godliness all in one! What this book is teaching me, though, is that we need to learn to be okay with the chaos e.g. the not knowing and embrace it, trusting that God makes beautiful things out of chaos (hint: creation) and that we can trust Him. Also, I definitely viewed this time wrongly as being a time where I'd get a clear answer from God about the future. What I'm actually learning is that it's not about going to God for answers like some cosmic Google search but actually it's about the waiting on God and the way that this dependence changes our relationship with Him that's the gamechanger and, after all, what we're really made for.
To be continued...
Wednesday, 22 October 2014
Saturday, 31 May 2014
Shifting the Saviour complex.
In our family, a favourite before meal time grace is the
Superman grace. This involves singing the Superman tune as well as a nice
little ditty about our thankfulness for food. Standing on chairs and Superman
poses are optional. Grandma, in particular, is a seasoned pro at this form of
thanksgiving. The Ashfords are just cool like that ;)
Why am I writing this and why does it matter?
Because this year, I’ve learnt a huge lesson. In our
wonderful, hilarious, colourful, broken and hurting world, there are often so
many issues, complexities, problems. You don’t have to look very far to come
across someone you know and love struggling in some way at some point with
something. Bit depressing but this kind of has been my experience this year and
I see it amongst my friends and others I know.
I began this year wanting to solve the problems of other
people. Without wanting to sound big headed or super spiritual, I’m quite a
pastoral person and that’s just how I roll. Maybe I was hoping for some magic
formula, some jackpot idea or for certain situations just to miraculously and
immediately turn around. Just maybe I wanted to see myself as some relational
superhero who, with all the good intentions in the world, sorted out a few
issues and generally made the world a better place (cue Incredibles theme
tune.) I wonder how many of us can identify with this? I know I do.
I’m ending this year remembering that there is a Saviour and
it is not me. So often, I feel as if I need to have all the answers and all of
the solutions. But the beauty is, I don’t. In fact, it’s pretty arrogant to
assume that I may even come close. I guess that links in to where our identity
comes from – I just finished Graham Beynon’s book, Mirror Mirror, on this and
it may have just blown my brain and heart to bits (in a good way!). Read it!
What I’ve learnt and what I’m learning to love is that my role is simply to
point others towards the one true Saviour – my incredible Jesus – who took care
of our biggest need and deepest problem – our sins that separate us from God.
Surely He is big enough to take care of any other issues, problems and concerns
that we face?
As Psalm 27 so brilliantly says,
‘Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes,
wait patiently for the Lord’.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In a very weird way, I’m so grateful for what this year has been and am looking forward to the one to come!
In a very weird way, I’m so grateful for what this year has been and am looking forward to the one to come!
Have a beautiful summer!
Monday, 19 May 2014
And here it begins...
So it would seem that my blog posts come like buses...not for ages and then all at once. I am technically supposed to be revising but my brain is buzzing with an idea for a post, inspired by a conversation with a housemate, and I just have to whack it out. You just got an insight into how my brain works. You're welcome.
Recently, I've started to think a bit about this time next year and the fact that I'll be entering the big wide world. I have no immediate plans to continue studying so will most likely be looking to get a job or get involved in a scheme. Crazy, exciting stuff.
Earlier, in the midst of a mind saturated revision state, I casually exclaimed how little I enjoy meetings.
DISCLAIMER - If I've ever been in a meeting with you, the chances are that it was great! I get that,
sometimes, they are really important and really useful. I have been in meetings like
this!
I guess, perhaps like you, I've also just been in meetings that are dull, boring, way too long and way too time - wasting. Also, whilst being able to vaguely organise myself to some extent, I'm not really a details girl. The minute details of organisation don't really interest me and I'm not very good at them! That's not to say that I'm not grateful for all of those great people who love detail and are great at working all of this stuff out - where would people like me be without you?!
On reflection, what I said was probably a bit immature as my housemate wisely pointed out that almost every job is likely to contain some form of meeting. True dat. I'm not completely adverse by any means and do know that I can't go get a job in a happy, meeting - less world. However, through thinking these things through, I have realised that I want to be in a people focused job, on the frontline, dealing with people and their problems and issues and not just talking about them. I know that meetings are often going to be helpful in this but, on the flip side, I don't want to have a job predominantly behind a desk at a computer or where I spend the majority of my time in meetings but I want to have a job that engages with people face to face, building relationships with them and helping to support them.
This job stuff really excites me but if you could pray anything for me right now, it would be that I'd not let it consume my thoughts and that I'd remember that there is One who is definitely a better planner than me and has got it covered (Jeremiah 29:11)
x
Recently, I've started to think a bit about this time next year and the fact that I'll be entering the big wide world. I have no immediate plans to continue studying so will most likely be looking to get a job or get involved in a scheme. Crazy, exciting stuff.
Earlier, in the midst of a mind saturated revision state, I casually exclaimed how little I enjoy meetings.
DISCLAIMER - If I've ever been in a meeting with you, the chances are that it was great! I get that,
sometimes, they are really important and really useful. I have been in meetings like
this!
I guess, perhaps like you, I've also just been in meetings that are dull, boring, way too long and way too time - wasting. Also, whilst being able to vaguely organise myself to some extent, I'm not really a details girl. The minute details of organisation don't really interest me and I'm not very good at them! That's not to say that I'm not grateful for all of those great people who love detail and are great at working all of this stuff out - where would people like me be without you?!
On reflection, what I said was probably a bit immature as my housemate wisely pointed out that almost every job is likely to contain some form of meeting. True dat. I'm not completely adverse by any means and do know that I can't go get a job in a happy, meeting - less world. However, through thinking these things through, I have realised that I want to be in a people focused job, on the frontline, dealing with people and their problems and issues and not just talking about them. I know that meetings are often going to be helpful in this but, on the flip side, I don't want to have a job predominantly behind a desk at a computer or where I spend the majority of my time in meetings but I want to have a job that engages with people face to face, building relationships with them and helping to support them.
This job stuff really excites me but if you could pray anything for me right now, it would be that I'd not let it consume my thoughts and that I'd remember that there is One who is definitely a better planner than me and has got it covered (Jeremiah 29:11)
x
Saturday, 17 May 2014
Once a words girl, always a words girl...
I've been meaning to write a proper blog post with a semi serious message for a while but it kinda just hasn't happened. I'm that 2am 'need to be in the mood' blogger and, to be honest, I haven't been up at 2am (explanation = I like sleep!) and I haven't really been in the mood to blog (explanation = I haven't had any burning ideas for posts!). Boo.
Anyway, have you heard of love languages? My guess is that, if you hang in Christian circles, you've either heard of them a gazillion times or they're coming your way soon! Not that they're exclusively Christian or anything but as a topic, it tends to come up! The basic idea is that we all like to be shown love in different ways; some of us appreciate physical touch, others gifts, acts of service (like washing up!) and/ or quality time with the person we love. Without a doubt, mine is words of affirmation or just words in general. I mean, present me with the Mr Darcy proposal from Pride and Prejudice and you're guaranteed to make me smile! Errrr really? Embarrassingly yes. Recently, in times when I feel a bit down or tired, I've been Googling some of my favourite quotes and shoving them around my room because I know they make me smile. Don't worry...I've edited the cheesy ones but I thought I'd share some of them with you!
Enjoy x
Anyway, have you heard of love languages? My guess is that, if you hang in Christian circles, you've either heard of them a gazillion times or they're coming your way soon! Not that they're exclusively Christian or anything but as a topic, it tends to come up! The basic idea is that we all like to be shown love in different ways; some of us appreciate physical touch, others gifts, acts of service (like washing up!) and/ or quality time with the person we love. Without a doubt, mine is words of affirmation or just words in general. I mean, present me with the Mr Darcy proposal from Pride and Prejudice and you're guaranteed to make me smile! Errrr really? Embarrassingly yes. Recently, in times when I feel a bit down or tired, I've been Googling some of my favourite quotes and shoving them around my room because I know they make me smile. Don't worry...I've edited the cheesy ones but I thought I'd share some of them with you!
Enjoy x
Sunday, 30 March 2014
The last term in ten.
So this post is totally inspired by a friend's ten lesson's of last week and I thought that I'd write down ten lessons that I learnt last term.
1) Costa does the best hot chocolate and is a great place of refuge. (Ken Costa, I keep you in business. You're welcome. :P)
2) Preschoolers find the word 'poo' the funniest thing in the world and never tire of calling you 'Mr Poo Poo pants'
3) I'm stronger than I ever thought I was but only because of Jesus.
4) We can never be consumed by the stuff that burdens us.
5) Above everything else, Jesus is all we need.
6) We need to be thankful for what we've got rather than chasing after what we want.
7) It's okay to say 'no' but not all the time!
8) Every day is a new chance to show love, grace and patience.
9) Modern Family is very nearly better than sliced bread.
10) Over analysing wastes your time, your energy and steals your peace. Just stop.
x
1) Costa does the best hot chocolate and is a great place of refuge. (Ken Costa, I keep you in business. You're welcome. :P)
2) Preschoolers find the word 'poo' the funniest thing in the world and never tire of calling you 'Mr Poo Poo pants'
3) I'm stronger than I ever thought I was but only because of Jesus.
4) We can never be consumed by the stuff that burdens us.
5) Above everything else, Jesus is all we need.
6) We need to be thankful for what we've got rather than chasing after what we want.
7) It's okay to say 'no' but not all the time!
8) Every day is a new chance to show love, grace and patience.
9) Modern Family is very nearly better than sliced bread.
10) Over analysing wastes your time, your energy and steals your peace. Just stop.
x
Sunday, 23 February 2014
Cutting down.
Recently, I've been reading this book and, in the words of the author, it messed me up. Man, that would sound so much better said in her Texan accent. I appreciate that 'messed me up' sounds a bit destructive/harmful/messy but really, I mean it in a good way. See, Jen Hatmaker's '7' is all about how excessive our lives can be. When I first picked up (ahem...downloaded...Kindle for Iphone...21st century people!) this book, I thought it would be properly funny as she's one of my favourite and most humorous bloggers. It is. But it's also deeply challenging.
Her main point is that, so often, Christians get caught up in the consumer culture of the West and she notes that it's a far cry from what Jesus calls us to and a poor substitute to life as it should be. I do sociology at uni (which you probably know) and the word consumerism pops up nearly as much as Weber and Marx WHICH IS A LOT. But, actually, how does it relate to me? Am I part of this massive consumerism mess?
I'm trying (and failing) to read more this year, and for some reason unbeknown to me, I often read Christian books. The thing is though, I so often read them like a novel, not thinking about what they say or how they apply. So, I might have mentally asked God to help me actually take this one on board. The craziness (in a good way) that I'm about to embark on is the result!
Jen Hatmaker decides to spend seven months cutting down on various things (like possessions, food, social media --- eeek!) to trim her lifestyle and she might have, subconsciously, convinced me to do it with her. WHAT?! Well, technically, I'm gonna cheat and do seven weeks. I'm not doing this to show people how incredibly super holy I am (because I'm not!). Seriously, one of the things that she cuts down on is food and I'm already having nightmares! Expect lots of 'midnight Mcdonalds runs' to occur that week! To be honest, I'm not really sure why I'm doing this but something about what she did and how she changed inspired me so I'm about to give it a go! Watch this space :)
Her main point is that, so often, Christians get caught up in the consumer culture of the West and she notes that it's a far cry from what Jesus calls us to and a poor substitute to life as it should be. I do sociology at uni (which you probably know) and the word consumerism pops up nearly as much as Weber and Marx WHICH IS A LOT. But, actually, how does it relate to me? Am I part of this massive consumerism mess?
I'm trying (and failing) to read more this year, and for some reason unbeknown to me, I often read Christian books. The thing is though, I so often read them like a novel, not thinking about what they say or how they apply. So, I might have mentally asked God to help me actually take this one on board. The craziness (in a good way) that I'm about to embark on is the result!
Jen Hatmaker decides to spend seven months cutting down on various things (like possessions, food, social media --- eeek!) to trim her lifestyle and she might have, subconsciously, convinced me to do it with her. WHAT?! Well, technically, I'm gonna cheat and do seven weeks. I'm not doing this to show people how incredibly super holy I am (because I'm not!). Seriously, one of the things that she cuts down on is food and I'm already having nightmares! Expect lots of 'midnight Mcdonalds runs' to occur that week! To be honest, I'm not really sure why I'm doing this but something about what she did and how she changed inspired me so I'm about to give it a go! Watch this space :)
Thursday, 6 February 2014
Trusting what never changes.
I've read some fantastic blog posts in the last week. Like seriously good. Thanks friends for posting, for sharing your lives, your successes and your struggles. And thanks for (perhaps unconsciously) encouraging me to blog again.
As my housemates can testify, I spend at least ten minutes every day pretending that I'm Beyonce by singing in the shower. At the moment, my jam is the almost too cheerful Pharrell phenomenon - Happy (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y6Sxv-sUYtM).
As much as I love this song, I kind of think it points to one of mine (and maybe even our) problems. Our culture seems to value happiness above all else...and obviously this is found in having the latest clothes, Ipad and aftershave. Not. Parents so often wish that their children live a happy life which, in so many ways, is totally legitimate. Often though, I value my happiness really highly but then find that my happiness levels change so much over the course of a day, a week, a month.
When I came back to Southampton in January, I realised that I didn't want to be here. I thought that it would pass after a few days but it didn't. I've spent the last month learning stuff about myself, how faithful God is and how to man up when the going gets tough (I've failed at this one so often!)
Therefore, this month, on average, I haven't been that happy. So what? Does that mean that my life has crashed? I'm out of the race?
No.
The book of Ecclesiastes (or as my sister affectionately calls it, 'Eccles cakes') says -- 'For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven' (3:1). I've always loved the idea of seasons because it means that dips, low moods and bad hair days are not the end, they're just part of the journey (apologies for the X Factor style cliche!). What's more, happiness can go so quickly but joy lasts forever. So often, I'm tempted to link joy with a particular situation or person. But, ultimately, joy is a gift from God. True joy comes from knowing that you're saved, that you're right with God and that you're His - beloved, precious, redeemed. That's why it's not happiness that truly counts, it's joy based on something totally outside of yourself and bigger than your life - God's relentless love and grace.
This month, I'm determined to embrace joy. Join me?
As my housemates can testify, I spend at least ten minutes every day pretending that I'm Beyonce by singing in the shower. At the moment, my jam is the almost too cheerful Pharrell phenomenon - Happy (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y6Sxv-sUYtM).
As much as I love this song, I kind of think it points to one of mine (and maybe even our) problems. Our culture seems to value happiness above all else...and obviously this is found in having the latest clothes, Ipad and aftershave. Not. Parents so often wish that their children live a happy life which, in so many ways, is totally legitimate. Often though, I value my happiness really highly but then find that my happiness levels change so much over the course of a day, a week, a month.
When I came back to Southampton in January, I realised that I didn't want to be here. I thought that it would pass after a few days but it didn't. I've spent the last month learning stuff about myself, how faithful God is and how to man up when the going gets tough (I've failed at this one so often!)
Therefore, this month, on average, I haven't been that happy. So what? Does that mean that my life has crashed? I'm out of the race?
No.
The book of Ecclesiastes (or as my sister affectionately calls it, 'Eccles cakes') says -- 'For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven' (3:1). I've always loved the idea of seasons because it means that dips, low moods and bad hair days are not the end, they're just part of the journey (apologies for the X Factor style cliche!). What's more, happiness can go so quickly but joy lasts forever. So often, I'm tempted to link joy with a particular situation or person. But, ultimately, joy is a gift from God. True joy comes from knowing that you're saved, that you're right with God and that you're His - beloved, precious, redeemed. That's why it's not happiness that truly counts, it's joy based on something totally outside of yourself and bigger than your life - God's relentless love and grace.
This month, I'm determined to embrace joy. Join me?
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